2005/01/18

Bush's New Year's resolution: kick Pez addiction

LOL, nice one from John Breneman:



This year I resolve to give up Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos, Tostitos and refried burritos; no more succumbing to inner snack-food libidos. In fact I hope to eschew all products in the tasty but fattening -eatos food group.

I am also determined to lick my $1.99/week Pez addiction. But I would be even more pleased if President Bush were able kick his $1 billion/week war habit.

And I am seriously considering making a vow to think about whether to maybe make some hardish decisions about the potential need to possibly become somewhat less indecisive. Maybe.

A word of advice. In 2005 you will definitely want to avoid carbs, cholesterol and all cancer-causing carcinogens. Also CAT scans, cockfights and cardiac smackdowns. Basically anything that starts with a "C."

Now, here -- recommended by my crack team of leading experts -- are some handy tips on other key things to avoid in 2005:

-- Getting punched in the face
-- Becoming "just another statistic"
-- Poison blowgun darts
-- People who stink
-- Tapeworms
-- Identity thieves
-- Hidden charges
-- Roaming fees
-- Rude awakenings
-- Elephantitis
-- Cerebral bypass surgery
-- Rotten apples, sour grapes and manufacturers' lemons

You might say the road to self-improvement is rich in carbon monoxide. Try the book "101 Ways to Rid Yourself of Unsightly Ugliness and Excess Hate." Changed my life. Other must-reads: "Duct Tape Dogma," "Mapping the Human Genome for Fun and Profit" and "The Da Vinci Diet."

3 Comments:

lol lmao
1/18/2005 07:20:00 pm  
Mmmn, Pez... and tapeworms!
1/18/2005 08:55:00 pm  
"But I would be even more pleased if President Bush were able kick his $1 billion/week war habit."

Hard to even imagine this much money being spent to make war. You have to wonder what's going on in the minds of these men who are in leadership positions of the most powerful country in the world.
1/18/2005 09:45:00 pm  

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