2005/01/11

Bush: “I am NOT stingy!!!”

Howdy everyone,

I want to share with ya'll a very nice article I just read on The White House Newsroom.

THE TSUNAMI DISASTER: PRESIDENT BUSH ANNOUNCES AMERICA'S STEPPED-UP COMMITMENT TO DISABUSING THE UNITED NATIONS OF ANY RUDE DELUSIONS OF NON-WORTHLESSNESS

Statement by the President



THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Please be seated.

Six days ago, the Good Lord, acting in all His mysterious grandeur, saw fit to summarily exterminate 150,000 people on the beaches of the Indian (dot, not feather) Ocean. A lightening-quick 96 hours later, I finally got around to pledging $36 million, which is almost enough money to pay for ten minutes of America's noble Arab-slaughtering crusade in Iraq!

(Applause.)

Thank you, thank you. It was nothing. Really. I mean it. Nothing.

Which is partly why today, I am increasing that figure to $350 million. Now I know that some whiny critic-types will say that I'm only doing this on account of so many folks have been complaining that my initial response was so penny-ante. Well my friends, that could not be further from the truth. Seriously, if I was worried about people pointing out that I'm a heartless cheapskate, would I still be charging ahead with my plans to dynamite the Medicare and Social Security safety net for America's poor oldsters? Hell, no! And would I be nickle-and-diming crippled and decrepit U.S. war veterans out of their pathetic little benefits packages? No again!

Truth is, I'm upping this relief package to remind the world of something it already knows: that America is the best at everything – especially whatever's hot. And today, if there's one thing that's hotter than the sweaty little man nipples under Ann Coulter's falsies, it's this Asianesia disaster stuff. Folks can't get enough of it! And that is why I am determined that in tsunami relief, as in crushing Muslim pride under a gleaming jackboot, the US of A will never take a back seat to anybody – especially not some pack of know-nothing jigaboos over at the United Nations.

That is why today, in addition to upping the United States' money commitment, I'm also actively working on setting up all-new plans and partnerships that will enable America to summarily flip the bird to the United Nations and all of the dumb, inferior disaster relief stuff they're doing. Sure, folks at the UN may not like this, but that's the way it goes. I mean, if the United Nations didn't support my shockin' awesome plan to go drop bombs on millions of perfectly healthy Arabiacs, why in hell would I ever support their lame plan to go and drop food and medicine on millions of homeless and starving Orientals? That's right, we've got our own operation and our own plan.

Besides, if the UN had anywhere near as many CEOs as it does do-nothing intellectual elites, they would know that competition is healthy. Any fella who has ever played an organized team sport will tell them that. You have to be in the game to benefit from it. Because if you just pay for your disaster relief ticket and sit in the stands watching the UN play, then you don't get go in the locker room and slap any wet heinies in the shower afterwards. And well, that there is my favorite part of any game.

And by "game," I do mean the "multi-gazillion dollar reconstruction industry" which is just now springing to life throughout this zone of Asiatic mega-destruction which the Good Lord, in all his economy-boosting wisdom, saw fit to create. Because once they finish bulldozing those stinky corpses into landfills, those people are going to need new buildings & facilities, water purification systems, and major road & highway rehabilitation – not to mention all-new railroads, airports, and ports & harbors. And that, my friends, is where America – not the United Nations – can and will champion over the evil that is bleeding-heart non-profit humanitarianism.

So in closing, let me state again that I am publicly upping America's up-front investment in Rebuild Asia, Inc. to $350 million, and will continue to increase that figure as is needed to cement our controlling interest in the coming contract awarding process. And let me also remind the voters from my base who are a little piqued about this pledge – it's not like I'm talking about real money here. Remember that I also pledged BILLIONS to fight AIDS in Africa, and hell if I've forked out squat for that. (Laughs.) Because hey – America's Ferrari owners need their tax cuts, right? (Winks.)

Thank you, and God Bless Bushamerica.

(Applause.)

9 Comments:

If you are going to post over here at blogspot there is very little support in the way of creating traffic. You should make sure you sign up for blogexplosion:

http://www.blogexplosion.com/

Also, the commenting system has much to be desired. I signed up for haloscan, which is much better, but still not as good as the tblog system. The nice thing about tblog is the comment system where you can reply directly to the person's comment and all blogs can be monitored at once.

My blogspot blog is at:

http://drforbush.blogspot.com/

You might want to check out blogspirit as well. There are fewer people there as of now, but it is set up with communities like tblog. I have a blog over there as well:

http://drforbush.blogspirit.com/

If you find any new places that are better please let me know. I will continue to post at all three places for the time being.
1/11/2005 06:45:00 pm  
To DrForbush:

"http://www.blogexplosion.com/"

Thanks for this. I tried it with tBlog some weeks back but it would work because tBlog doesn't all itself to work inside a frame. Yes, I'm aware it's going to be a bit lonely, but... oh well, I'm ready to do some hard work :-)

"The nice thing about tblog is the comment system where you can reply directly to the person's comment and all blogs can be monitored at once."

I entirely agree. This is by far the best feature they have, and it's a shame other blogging systems haven't caught up with it.

I don't like Haloscan much: in particular, since I tend to post long comments, it invariably chops them, and this really pisses me off, LOL.

"http://drforbush.blogspot.com/"

Ok, thanks doc, this is where I'll visit you from now on.

"You might want to check out blogspirit as well. There are fewer people there as of now, but it is set up with communities like tblog."

Thanks again: I certainly will take a look. I'm just so sick and tired of tBlog I cannot stand it another day. They can shove my 215,000 tBucks up their ass.

"http://drforbush.blogspirit.com/
If you find any new places that are better please let me know. I will continue to post at all three places for the time being."

Ok, I will, Doc. Do you find it a big hassle to crosspost to so many sites?
1/11/2005 07:45:00 pm  
I was thinking, the money spent in Iraq during the time it took Bush's speech writers to work up his real speech and then have him deliver the thing was easily greater than the ammount of money he pledged for Tsunami relief... or at least pretty damn close.

I agree with Dr. Forbush, check out some other spots... blog.com isn't even really all the way up and running yet, but it looks like they have potential... and blogit's kind of cool cuz you might actually make a few bucks if you grow your blog..... who knows.
1/11/2005 08:10:00 pm  
One more thing.... as an American Taxpayer, so far my portion of the Iraq War dollar wise has been about $730.00

My portion of the pledged Tsunami relief effort is $1.40

Golly, I'm so glad we're all so patriotic.
1/11/2005 08:17:00 pm  
Great satire and I believe every word of it. LOL
1/11/2005 10:55:00 pm  
Hey, nice new blog! Yeah, this definitely sounds like something bush would say...I dunno, that jerks just ticks me off. Anyway, I like the new blog!

--Riotgirl
1/12/2005 12:41:00 am  
Hey guys! Nice Team up... hope I'll be able to guest blog some time... :) WhyNot - really cool satire.

Taking blogging to the next level I see! :)

Peace.

M.
1/12/2005 08:18:00 am  
That was hilarious and sadly true. Not bad satire for a Frenchman... ;)

I'll change my link to this blog address now. You both should be great as a team blog! Best of Luck

liz
1/13/2005 03:41:00 am  
"You both should be great as a team blog! Best of Luck"

Thanks Liz. We've set it up so that both our accounts have "administrator" privilege, which means either of us can delete any account. I hope we don't get into a fight..... it might become a very boring site, LOL.
1/13/2005 04:04:00 am  

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